A Star Wars Story: Alright, I realize I’m way late to this party, but… Really? I was so excited and this is really Diet Star Wars. All of the flavor, none of the substance. Where’s the John Williams soaring score that in the most visceral way lets you know you’re entering into this world? No rolling text intro? And where the hell are the jedis?! You’re kidding me right? No jedis? Yes, yes… I know, the Empire is strong at this point in the story and they’re all in hiding or whatever. I don’t care. I want jedis and I DON’T want the force being referred to in some strange, casual way like a Hollywood girl saying, “I can totally kick your butt at yoga. Namaste, bitches.” (Yes, I did actually see this in Hollywood the other day, but I digress…) Rogue throws everything that you would recognize from the original Star Wars trilogy at the screen as the plot revolves around stealing the Death Star plans, but to little effect. The final battle scene feels like Endor, we see R2 and C-3PO, and most scenes seem staged to recollect original ones. Plus, the plot just feels weak and silly. All the best of the Rebel Alliance suddenly follow Jyn, and rebel against the rebellion, because… Why exactly? She says she knows better despite any involvement with the rebellion prior; her father is actually viewed as a traitor. (Actually, considering our current state of affairs, this suddenly seems plausible. Never mind. Show us the way, Ivanka…) But that actually leads me to another, far more unsettling, point… I am a Star Wars baby. I grew up on this. All the action figures and paraphernalia. I do not recall a world in which Star Wars doesn’t exist and I delighted in endlessly watching Luke, Leia, and Han’s adventures. As an adult watching the film, I couldn’t simply suspend disbelief and enjoy the story. I realized that my country was starting to look a lot more like the evil Empire than the scrappy band of Rebels. It made me squirm and it made me sad. I’ll always love the Star Wars trilogy, and like anyone chasing those Halcyon days of my youth, I’ll continue to see the movies in the theaters, but the magic seems to be gone.