Soooo… I’m a bit behind on the blogging, but I hosted a dinner party the other day and it ended up being more meaningful than I had anticipated and I thought I might share… Rather coincidentally, it happened to fall 40 days after Butters died. Now, I am not particularly religious, but I have found the rites and traditions of my family’s Ukrainian Orthodox heritage particularly comforting in times of grief. For those who don’t know, the formal mourning period in this religion lasts for 40 days, a time in which the soul wanders the earth, attending to unfinished business and at 40 days, loved ones celebrate their life and their passing to the next realm with a feast. Now, I realize my cat was probably pretty set, and it’s not like I’ve draped the mirrors in black and shrouded myself for the summer, but the loss of Butters devastated me more than you might have known and for reasons beyond what you might guess, certainly more than I show or share. As a person who has experienced a tremendous amount of loss in the last few years, I find the notion of a set time for grief deeply comforting. Certainly, as an experienced professional, I understand that the notion of prescriptive grieving could be deeply problematic, but I’ve also seen the opposite to be true. I’m only telling my story here. To have a firm moment in time to say, “That’s enough of this curled up in a ball, weeping and wailing stuff, you may still be sad, you’ll have your moments, but it’s time to move forward…” I find that deeply consoling.
In another serendipitous turn of events, the “guest of honor” at said dinner party just so happened to be a philosopher that I hold dear. Just as the 40 days was coincidental, it also just so happened that it was nearly 7 years to the day that I was struck by this philosophical lightning bolt; and coming to terms with this field and my journey through it has been more than a bit unsettling at times. Philosophy is not a welcoming discipline and, one would think after nearly 22 years in some form of emergency response or another, I wouldn’t be intimidated by some academics. But philosophy makes you question everything, and most importantly yourself, so, more often than not I’m embarrassed to admit that I wonder what I’m doing in this discipline where I am clearly less than welcome, particularly when philosophers won’t hesitate to undercut you with sharper tongues than any fire chief could ever muster. So, to be respected by this one philosopher, to actually be viewed as the accomplished professional that I am, and to have a moment where I was more the master of ceremonies (even if only in a social setting), as opposed to the “undulating sycophant,” made things feel as if they were somehow coming full circle. The feeling was accentuated when I realized that it had been this particular philosopher and others with whom I had dinner the night Butters died. They had insisted I keep our long planned for outing on the night of the loss of my cat, to be with friends, to be cared for, to not be alone… They had been right. And so the preparing for said dinner party felt profound, it felt ritualistic, it felt like a rite of passage in many ways. And it went off without a hitch. The table was set with accoutrements from my travels, candles were lit, the music was paired thoughtfully (Al Green, Astrud Gilberto, Brad Mehldau, The Gipsy Kings, Saint Etienne), and the conversation rolled into the wee hours… And I finally felt better. There’s something to be said for the cyclic nature of things, for the opening of new chapters and the closing of old ones, and for stepping into new phases of life… But I suspect you may just be more interested in the food, so…
There was a buffet of cheeses, nuts, charcuterie, pickles, and olives with bread and crackers, and I whipped up crab & bacon dip; onion marmalade toasts w/Parmesan; asparagus, egg, & radish salad; red peppers stuffed w/chorizo & couscous; and plum cake w/almond streusel topping; with Bourbon & Orange (Bourbon, OJ, Fresca, orange, mint) and Death in the Gulf Stream (Bols Genever, Angostura bitters, sugar cube, lime) cocktails; and Pazo Cilleiro 2016 Albarino, Simpler Wines Rose, Laurelwood 2016 Pinot Noir, and Rascal 2015 Pinot Noir. And it was all just delightful…