Hustlers

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Did this f*cking movie BLEEP ITSELF?! Who knew that was even a thing?! And so you wouldn’t hear Doug Jones’ name, which is an alias, AND in the original New York Magazine article?! This is possibly one of the dumbest choices I’ve ever seen a filmmaker make. Hashtag Save the Dougs, you guys!!!! Ok. Let me compose myself here. Banal, boring, and basic, Hustlers follows strippers as they run a scam on Wall Streeters. This film is so obviously made because Jennifer Lopez said, “I want to be a stripper AND a criminal!” Hey. Whatever. I would think a great part of the fun of getting to her level is to do stuff like this; I hope she enjoyed herself, because she certainly didn’t make a good film. Synopsis: All sex workers are gold-digging dipsh*ts, all men are dumb scumbags, and all cops are fat and bumbling. The acting is painfully wooden (I’d make a joke here if the film weren’t so bad), with Julia Stiles being particularly terrible and Candace Wu not far behind. There’s nothing even remotely erotic about any of the stripping scenes; they’re so off-putting one tends to unconsciously reach for hand sanitizer. Watch the first twenty minutes or so of this film to see Cardi B and Lizzo steal the show and turn in some fun moments, otherwise skip this one completely.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *